Category Archives: Relationships

A Demystification of Fear and Respect

“Respect earned through fear instead of deeds, was not truly respect.”

Have you experienced respecting people in your life out of threat? Have you met people who coerce others to make them follow and respect? Have you known people who see themselves as powerful human beings just because they gained respect from others who feared them? If not many times, we got to experience all of these once in our lives. At times, we fall into the trap of confusing these two qualities- fear and respect. In addition, we tend to regard people as embodiments of power when they make others respect based on fear. These acts hold true even at this time. But what is really the difference between fear and respect? When is respect considered true?

Fear and respect are two contrasting things. Fear hinders the potential of an individual while respect strengthens it. Think of a time when you feared someone. Did you show who you really are and what you are capable of? How about when you respected somebody and earned respect from him/her? Did you spend time thinking about what the person will say? You might have done it, but knowing that that person accepts your feelings, belief systems, principles, and needs saves you from worrying too much about yourself. In fact, when respect is served, you are inspired to hone your potential at the optimal level and transcend boundaries.

Furthermore, fear goes temporarily while respect lasts a lifetime. How many times have you felt incomparable joy when the person whom you fear the most is away? That person may come from varied figures- an inconsiderate boss, an obnoxious manager or a condescending leader. Yes, total authority is fine. So is perfectionism. What is not fine is belittlement and intimidation by a person. Little does a person know that being abrasive not only robs one’s sanity but also breeds fear. It happens when we try to respect people merely because we fear them. In reality, however, we respect them a little or we do not respect them at all. The truth is a bitter pill to swallow, so to speak. On the other hand, respect can go a long way if it stems from deeds, not fear. If you were asked about the person who left a significant mark in your life, you would probably choose someone whom you look up to- someone who respects you because s/he first respects herself/himself and who gives you value and importance. That is true respect.

Although others have feared someone and have thought of not giving respect to undeserving of it, but the stronger we hold on to this belief, the more we destroy our values. Refusing to respect someone defines more of ourselves than it does to the one we fear or dislike. As Dave Willis put it, “Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.” Thus, whatever engenders, respect. Whether it is through deeds or fear, respect. And if we are not willing to give respect to others, let us try giving it to ourselves first. Let us show one of the most pivotal virtues. Respect.

Let My Pen Cry Out


Why could I not think of someone
When someone remains a memory,
Why could I not fall in love with someone
When only she accepts me as me.


So long have I been waiting
For the time when we could meet halfway,
My heart’s skipping a beat, but I’m just dreaming,
So I’ll never hope it will be.


If only writing could bury my feeling,
I wouldn’t be tired of hiding it anyway,
But it couldn’t be happening, not happening,
My thoughts of you still stay.

Only my paper knows
The dreary pang and the heavy burden I carry,
Nothing but only it, it shows
The tears that flow through me.


So I let my pen cry out
Until it runs out of tears,
I let my paper be torn out
Until this enigmatic feeling disappears.


The Most Important Things

Twenty-three years of bittersweet life passed yet another one unfolds. And I am more than richly blessed now because God gives me another story to write and another life to live. Today, I just want to share a message of how grateful I am to make this far.

I went to a mall in Mandaue City, Cebu, Philippines yesterday to reward myself with a gift- a new pair of shoes. Too advance, right? So I bought the one that really suits my preference. I was in sheer bliss because it was the first time that I had bought an expensive one. It was by far one of the most important things I have. But, I was wrong. Absolutely wrong! 

Just this morning, I received a message from my mother and sister sending their warm birthday greetings. I was thankful to them because they never get tired of loving me. But apart from that, I remembered the time when I surmounted the greatest challenge. I was in a depressive state last year (2020). I was jobless, helpless and desperate. However, I was fortunate enough because my former colleagues never led me astray. They were there cheering me up when I was feeling low. I also looked back on the days when I was so down because someone caused me great pain and it was the least thing I could handle. But I am still thankful because I have the most important things in my life. It is not literally “what” because…

The most important things I have right now are not really things, not even the shoes I bought yesterday, but they are the persons who have been there through my ups and downs and who have become part of my life.

Silver Lining of Struggles

These days, we have been facing abrupt disaster that utterly engendered increase of death tolls and downturn of economy. Many countries around the world, whether well-off or impoverished, are tested. However, despite these changes, relationships are strengthened. This undeniably substantiates that silver lining appears in every cloud.

The COVID-19 pandemic has brought us deep sadness mixed with tremendous fear caused by a myriad of infected persons. Yet, this challenges us to see things at the brighter side and teaches us to accept that change is the only permanent thing in this world. Furthermore, instead of indulging ourselves over sadness and fear, we better replace these with joy through means possible to us. But, joy is no more a perfume that we have to spray on ourselves before we spray it on others. Conversely, joy is a stone that is thrown into the pond which means that we have to be heedful of our actions and intention of making others joyful. It is because even sole action can have a great influence on others. For instance, you hung out with your friends because you wanted them to be happy and unknowingly, you were infected by one of them. Now, are we making our fellowmen happy with our actions? Certainly, not! We can effectively bring happiness to others by following the safety protocols implemented by our government officials and even by affirming the people on the front line to boost their morale rather than discriminating them. In these pressing times, we ought to consider that others’ happiness lies on our actions and not on our happiness.

Moreover, the pandemic has strengthened relationships. In fact, there were organizations who willingly shared their resources to people in need. Apart from that, there were people who voluntarily gave money to strangers amid this crisis. All these acts have shown that regardless of economic status, people can still lend someone a hand. Impossible becomes possible even when we are faced with challenges. In addition, these times have made us do the things we did not value before. We prioritize our health more than luxuries. We devote much more time to our families than our friends. We pay attention more to our needs than our wants and the like. Things have changed dramatically. Particularly, what we can do now is to adapt to change. We cannot gain something from starting up an argument with someone or spreading erroneous information to the public, etc. Let us do our positive part!

No wonder, this pandemic is either advantageous or disadvantageous. It depends on how we see and value things. Besides, what we have experienced and how we have responded to it would greatly contribute to who we were and who we will be. After all, this pandemic will soon turn out into a learning opportunity and a learning experience. May we not be petrified of challenges because according to Robert Tew, “The struggles you are in today are developing the strength you need tomorrow.” Let us see the silver lining of struggles!